Project Daniel Xu

Hi all-

As many of you know, I have opted to take a gap year from Dartmouth College, my dream school, due to the growing effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. At first, I was absolutely devastated that I had to do this. I was really looking forward to joining the Green family and participating in all of the traditions that made the school special. New Hampshire is my absolute favorite state, and I was just so excited to live there. All I wanted in my life was to leave my small town to go off to do bigger things- to explore, to learn, and to grow uninhibited. Dartmouth was allowing students on campus at the time of my decision, with a laundry list of restrictions. No matter what the justification or explanation was, I knew (along with everybody else whether or not they’d choose to admit it) that it would never be the same as any other year. When the pandemic hit and I took the gap year, it was like all of those aspirations were stripped away.

Fast forward to now, a month after I made the decision to do so, and I have never been happier in my life. I wanted to share with you all my journey through the last month as I have gotten so many questions about my plans and why I did what I did. As a highly motivated student throughout high school, I had constantly pushed myself to do better and to strive for perfection. I seldom lifted my head from a textbook and you could find me pretty much every night at the library until closing. If I wasn’t there, I was at club meetings, show rehearsals, tutoring, or at acapella rehearsals. I was constantly doing something, and I almost never went to bed before 2 A.M. This was all by choice- none of this was being driven by my parents. I have always wanted to be the best version of myself.

After March, when the pandemic sent everybody home, I was losing my mind in quarantine. At this point, I wasn’t really seeing anybody, at was kept at home for most of the time as nobody really understood the virus or had we had the chance to adapt to this new lifestyle. Because I was constantly at home with no schoolwork to do, I had to find new things to keep myself busy. I painted the kitchen, changed all the light switches, replanted the entire yard, cleaned the entire garage, installed new irrigation heads, control panels, etc… I was doing it all because as a very driven person, I had to stay busy no matter what.

Now that the world has had several months to adapt to this new lifestyle, I have found new ways to breathe free. This is the first time I have not had a fire under my butt to keep me busy- I have found a new perspective to look through, a new flame. That sounds corny, I know, but it’s true! This is the first time I have really learned to live life as a human and not as a robot student. I do things purely because I want to, not because I think I need to. It is as simple as that- I know what it is like to live life. Don’t get me wrong; it is my go-getter determined personality that got me this far in my life and it is the same mentality that has lead me to where I am now. It is just about how I apply it to my life. I now have a new desire to create meaningful and beautiful photography. I love taking photos and I love learning to run my own business. I am proud of the brand that I have created and all of the things that I have always dreamed of doing are becoming a reality.

I decided to not let the pandemic hold me back- instead, I decided to look at it as an opportunity. This year is an opportunity to explore art, to explore myself. I want to learn more, to see more, to do more. I have already begun appreciating the little things. I want to hike, I want to drive, and I want to take more photos. This pandemic has essentially drop kicked a lot of lives and plans that people have had, but it has also given me a lot of things that otherwise would not have happened. I am choosing to make the best of my situation, and I am so glad that this has happened. I truly believe that this has happened for a reason, and I have never had so much clarity in my life. I was unhealthy, unhappy, and dealing with a lot of health issues in high school. While some of those things have carried over, much of the weight on my shoulders has dissipated and breathed new life into me.

To those who are still debating what to do for the fall or to those younger than me who are considering taking a gap year. Just do it. The summer isn’t even over and I am SO excited for this year and everything that I plan to do. I literally have never been happier in my life and I am so grateful for everything that I have and for this opportunity. I choose to focus on photography because that is what I love and is great work experience- you may take this year to master knitting, becoming a piano prodigy, or maybe go on a fossil hunt. Use this year to do something that you’ve always wanted to do. You’re going to be working for the rest of your life. Take a year to really get to know yourself before you commit yourself to a career you may or may not love.

This gap year was a reaction to the pandemic, true, but as awful as it may be to say, I am glad that it pushed me to taking one. Otherwise, I am not sure that I would be as happy as I am now. I broke the traditional cycle- work hard in high school, go to a good college, make a lot of money, and achieve happiness. I rearranged and achieved happiness, then the rest is up to destiny.